And the walls came tumbling down
by BlaiddDrwg30
Summary: One night in the Tardis, the Doctor helps Rebecca deal with some unresolved issues from when before they met. Rated for dark thoughts and light fluff.


**Just a short little ficlet in my AU where the Doctor is traveling with Rose and Rebecca, my OC. This was very healing to write, and I hope you guys enjoy it! It takes place after Castles in the Sky and Holiday. Enjoy! :)**

Somewhere in between Alpha Olemi and Plaxicanfrey, as the Tardis floated in space; Rebecca couldn't sleep.

The three traveling companians had been busy lately, darting from one planet to the next, with barely a moment in between to rest. So these brief spans of time where they could relax for a bit were treasured amongst the three of them. But dark thoughts found Rebecca and kept her from slumber, even cuddled up in Rose's bed with her wasn't enough to keep the demons away.

Not this night.

So after about an hour she slid herself out from the tangle of Rose's limbs, slipped out of her pajamas and into a comfortable sleeveless dress, and left the room.

The Tardis control room was quiet, the only noise the gentle hum of the engine which was gentled by the soft green light. She had left a book on the seat by the console, so deciding she would get some reading in, she curled herself up in the plush worn leather of the chair and attempted to lose herself in a story.

It worked, for a little while anyway.

Even though she was the happiest than she had ever been, every once in a while she still felt the twinges of the beginning of a panic attack start to wash over her. Despite all the healing she had experienced since escaping from her old life she still bore some scars. Some of the phsycial ones would never fade, the manifestation of all the anxiety and pain she suffered when she hurt herself left a subtle pattern on her wrists that would always be slightly visible. But the worse ones were the ones left on the inside. The ones on her heart.

She was starting to realize that she still had a lot of anger in her. It was leaving her slowly, in dribs and drabs, but even so, there were times where it still flared up. There were moments when she would think about her family, her job, all the people and places she used to know and she would get so angry she could barely speak. She hated the old life she had lived and hated the way those people had treated her. But most of all she hated herself for allowing them to treat her like a victim for so long. When these moments were upon her she would take a deep breath, close her eyes, and say over and over again in her mind,_ I'm free now. I'm safe. I never have to go back there again_. Over and over like a mantra for her heart. And eventually she would feel better, less full of anxiety.

She concentrated on the words on the page and tried to keep all the dark thoughts at bay. So invested was she in the book that she didn't even hear the Doctor walk into the room. When she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye she glanced up at him and smiled.

"What are you reading?" He asked her softly as he strode over and leaned against the chair she was sitting in.

"The first book in the Outlander series, by Diana Galbadon," she said with a grin. "I figured since I was doing the whole time traveling bit, I might as well read about it too."

He smiled. "Fantastic series, that is. Little bit of time travel, little bit of romance, little bit of adventure. Brilliant!"

She loved this about him. It was probably one of her favorite things about the Doctor; that he loved to read and just loved books so much. It was the biggest thing they had in common, and got wrapped up in book conversations all the time. Rose, not being much of a reader, would usually get bored and leave them to it whenever the topic came up. Rebecca had come to love those moments between her and the Doctor; a shared comraderie for a shared passion.

"Big day tommorrow, I expect," he said, breaking through her thoughts.

"Where are we headed this time?" she asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

His eyes danced with excitement. "Wonderful little place called Camus Three. Whole planet is covered in rainforests. Even the moon is a rainforest! Can you imagine all the bannanas they must have between them both?"

Rebecca bit her lip in an attempt to stifle a giggle.

"In fact," the Doctor said, walking away from her, "We might even be able to see it already..."

He reached the other side of the Tardis and flung open the doors. Rebecca left her book on the chair and joined him in the doorway. She didn't think she would ever get used to the way the Tardis's extended forcefield would protect them from space. She loved the way she still felt that electric thrill of excitement when the doors opened and she could stand there gazing into space.

This particular instance she was rewarded with the view of a bright green planet with a similarly emerald green orb circling it. "Wow," she said, because there wasn't much else she could say, being as spellbound by the sight as she was. It truly was beautiful.

The Doctor, seeing the wonder in her gaze, couldn't help but smile. "Nice, right? I knew you guys would love it! I can't wait for Rose to see it when she wakes up."

"Have you ever been here before, Doctor?"

He shook his head, "Nope. Never. But I heard about it from a merchant when we were on Bellos and I figured it would be a nice treat for you girls. And for me, of course," he said winking at her.

She suddenly became hyperaware of how close she was standing to him. The Tardis doorway was pretty small, after all.

She suddenly and inexplicably wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

They hadn't kissed, not yet. Oh sure, they flirted like crazy and held hands all the time. And she and Rose snogged each other's heads off practically every other night. But her and the Doctor...there just hadn't seemed to be the right moment to take that next step. That was what she was waiting for. And she could tell from the way the Doctor sometimes looked at her that he was waiting for that moment as well.

This was, without a doubt, **that** moment.

And yet...she hesitated.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the green planet in the distance and had almost a jolting sense of guilt. How many people got to see things like this? Explore the universe? Travel through time and space? How could she ever be worthy of this? Of the Doctor and Rose? She wasn't anything special. Never had been. What made them even choose her in the first place?

Her thoughts must have shown on her face because the Doctor looked at her, concerned. "Becks? What is it?"

"I should have told you this sooner, Doctor." she started tentatively, "but I think you made a mistake by choosing me."

He was quiet for a moment before softly asking, "And why do you say that?"

"I'm not..." she struggled to find the right words to convey what she was feeling; what she had been feeling for some time. "I''m just...not _good_ Doctor. I've seen the way Rose is in situations and she's, well, just _wonderful_. I mean let's be honest, I couldn't even cut it in my own world. How can I ever hope to be able to deserve all this?" She felt the familiar stirrings of anger and despair. "My very own family can't stand me. I've never really had any close friends, I have trouble connecting to people, you know? And until I met you and Rose I never felt like I belonged anywhere. But there's nothing special about me, I guess is what I'm trying to say."

"You do that a lot, I've noticed." He interrupted.

"I...what?" she asked.

He nodded to her wrist. "You touch your scars when you're upset."

Startled, she looked down and found that she _had_ been running her fingers over the lined scars on her wrist. She hadn't even noticed that she did that. Embarressed, she dropped her hands to her sides. "I...never even realized that I did that. Or that you would notice something like that."

"I notice a lot of things."

Somewhere in the middle of their vconversation she had started crying. She didn't even realize it until she tasted the salty wetness on her lips. She rubbed at her eyes, embarressed to lose her composure in front of him, and turned back out so she was facing beyond the Tardis doors to the fathomless stars as they drifted slowly through space. The Doctor stood beside her, not saying anything. She took comfort in his steady presence. Suddenly she felt his hand wrap around hers and the warmth from the gesture seemed to flood into her wounded heart.

She looked at him and was surprised to see such tenderness in his eyes.

"There are some people," he said, "that are perfectly suited to the life and the world that has been given to them. Getting a job, watching the telly, being with their family, grocery shopping, buying a house, getting married and having kids...some people, well, most people actually, just love that stuff. But I'm not one of them. Neither is Rose. And neither are you."

"We're...we're not?"

Without warning he turned towards her and pulled her into his arms. Without even having to think about it she wrapped her arms around him instinctively and pulled herself closer, so that her head was against his chest and her hands gripped the back of his suit. She never wanted to let go.

"Oh, Becks." He sighed, sounding so young and so old all at the same time. "You are meant for _more_ than that. So much more. I think you've been in such a toxic enviroment for so long you can't even begin to see yourself clearly."

Her heart began to beat wildly. She wondered if he could feel it. "And how should I see myself? How do _you_ see me?"

"When we first met? I saw a girl who put herself at risk to help two strangers she just met. I saw a girl who dreamed of more, yearned for more. Who wasn't afraid to acknowledge she was unhappy and go after the most she wanted out of life." He squeezed her hand. "And then you came with us. And I began to see a girl who would run around outside in a storm and laugh, just for the thrill of it, a girl who cares so much and so hard for so many things in her one heart that she puts both of mine to shame. A girl who would forget what she ate for breakfast but could remember every character in every book she ever read."

Rebecca choked out a laugh.

"You want to know what I see, when I look at you?" he continued. "I see an extraordinary girl." She looked up and saw he was smiling, and his face seemed to light up with the brilliance of it. "Did you ever think that maybe its not you that can't handle the world, but rather the world that can't handle you?"

With a sound that was half sigh and half moan she grabbed the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled his face down to hers, capturing his lips against her own. As her lips parted and she felt his tongue slide into her mouth she thought her heart would burst from joy. This was the start of a new beginning for her, with these two glorious travelers that she had the extreme luck to meet. Her life, for the first time, was starting to feel like a flower unfurling its petals in the sunlight; rife with possibilites.

She had waited a long time for this, to feel worthy of living.

She was ready.

~Finis


End file.
